Ask me to play my guitar, I'll bleed emotion all over your shirt. [entries|friends|calendar] Using words like a weapon... [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

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[28 Feb 2005|12:06pm] More can be learned from one look from you than a lifetime of knowing you. Not that anyone knows who you really are. How could they when your whole life is a lie. Your existance is the perfect story, plot unraveling at your convenience. We all play pretend to suit our own agendas. post comment

My newest work..probably still on progress. Hope you all like it. [20 Jul 2004|03:05pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | "On the way Down" - Ryan Cabrera ] Hip bones and rib cages pressed tightly together. Long hair tied back loosely to precision. Traces of black eyeliner adorn flushed cheeks. Faded red lipstick smudged in the corners.. And yet in your eyes I fall nothing short of beautiful. Cold feet, weak knees, a smile that can still force a dull sparkle from time to time. Feeling so unseemingly inadequate, I'll just pretend I belong here. You took me in fully aware that I was damaged goods. It was as though nothing phased you, something in my eyes must have amazed you, though they always look the same to me. I revive in your presence, gathering enough strength to become everything you truly believe I am. I haven't scared you away yet, and I hope that's a good thing. You know sometimes I'm overbearing, reckless, and ofcourse always wearing..too much weight on my shoulders, a head filled with heavier things. Proposing an empty toast, minus the cheap wine and the thrills that always seem to come along with it. An invitation never seems necessary after the second glass is poured. It's to short days and long nights. Paper planes, cracker jacks, and pillow fights. It's to broken guitar strings and calloused fingertips that somehow always feel better against my pale skin. It's to catching fireflies for the sole purpose of setting them free, and scretly memorizing the way their soft glow illuminates your face. It's to laying on the grass in your backyard, closing one eye, and pretending to touch the constellations, hands grazing the sky. It's to then mapping out constellations on eachother's bodies, and finding orien's belt along your left collar bone. It's to the way your fingers walk along the small of my back, in such a way that hints at your big plans for me. It's to sand between my toes, and the way your hair curls gently behind your ear. Ghost stories told under covers, strategically placed love bites kept undercover..and feeling so beautifully exposed. It's to finding reason to question everything you've ever known and felt..and still managing to live without fear. It's to refusing to sit in the back seat of life, and taking the wheel even if you can't steer. It's to closing your eyes and seeing the world inside your mind. Long drives, sunsets, and saying the first thing that pops into your head without hesitation. It's to the way you kiss my left wrist, never missing a perfectly drawn scar. Warm tears that keep my cheeks company, while I remember the girl I used to be. It's to the fact that you still love that girl, and everything she's been, through all her big and not so big changes, faded scars and all. It's to highschool winding down, and one of our last summers here. Saying goodbye to plastic romances and all our big dreams, letting go of believing we'll hold on. It's to embracing the fact that the future has found us, and plans on showing no mercy. It's to here and now, and making the most of every hour spent with you. Carefully keeping track of every second of every minute and realizing the clock is always ahead of me by a few Chins and shoulders pressed tightly together. Once long hair is shorter now. Tied back messily, with much less precision, resembling a lacking supply of ambition. Last night's eyeliner has begun to fade. Perfectly naked lips speak of tainted truths..and yet in your eyes I fall nothing short of beautiful. Warm blanket, whispered nothings, and muffled heart beats screaming to be heard. Creating their own intricate language, much like breathing..because a sigh can say so much. In spite of all the love that has found me, I can't help but feel helpless and uneasy. For once I feel beautiful, in other words, scared to death. I've never known a feeling like this, and I'm petrified of all I don't know. All of this leaves me with one thought, or question you might say. It resides inside my cluttered head, keeping me from sleep that would have been restless anyway. If I am beautiful when I'm with you If I am beautiful because of you What will I become when you are gone? In the eyes of the world, I'll be back where I started. Falling nothing short of average. xoxo I'm sorry I've been gone so long..I really do plan on writing a lot more in here now. <3 6 comments|post comment

I knew how to listen before I could talk. [28 May 2004|07:51pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Dashboard ] Our inanimate bodies fall delicately to the ground When the wind blows you smile, as the grass tickles your well-traveled feet I let the sun wash my face, and warm my faded blue jeans I check to make sure your hand is still in my right pocket Reassuring me, I still have what I need It's moments like these I can spend memorizing the way your eyes look in the sun The way you breathe when you become undone.. You let me unravel your intricate heart, because you know I'm not afraid of who you really are. I embrace all your imperfections, that make you the beautiful disaster you are. I take time to keep counting your eyelashes, I left off at one hundred and two I think........minus one, as an eyelash falls delicately to my hand when you blink. I find it hard to believe that this is real..I pull myself closer to you and whisper.. "I want to be like the girl in that movie..I can't remember which, but that's not important now, is it..all I know is that she was free, or atleast she did a good job pretending to be. I always find myself crying during movies.. and not because they're sad, but because they're beautiful.. and I won't even notice until the screen gets too blurry and I have to blink to set the tears free.. but it's a wonderful feeling.. The kind of feeling you wish you could make someone else feel. .....I wish someone would watch me like a movie....." You gently smile because you know how I am, and you know what I mean. Another one of my secrets rolled from my mouth and into your ear, falling down to your heart, where I know you'll keep it safe. The sun glides behind the puffy clouds, so that for a brief instant, we can open our eyes completely, and take eachother in. Placing a soft kiss on my lips you tell me.. "I'll watch you like a movie.. I already read you like a book, so why not?" Time is frozen. This is us, this is our movie. Based on our novel. The one we add new pages to everyday.. and re-read from the beginning when we have to remember how beautiful we help eachother to be. Everything comes together as I realize, you're the first to use such words with me. Such intricate beautiful words, that mean so much.. so much you can't feel just by looking at it on paper. It's beauty comes through in the way it is said, and you know just how to say it. The sun is playing a round of hide and go seek with the clouds. Although it knows it'll remain undefeated. Unable to place a finger on what I'm feeling, I suppose I'll allow you to do it..because I know you'll get it right. "I don't know whether to laugh because you just said that or cry.. it's a tie.. so I guess they'll cancel eachother out..and I just feel..numb." You turn so that I can bury my face in your neck, and hide my tears from the sun, who had just given up playing with the clouds, and turned to us for amusement. ... Feeling pulled away from reality, I take a second to trace his face with my fingers, slowly from every angle, studying him..imagining God painting him on his pallette long before he even came into existance. I notice the spots he missed shaving this morning..that let me know he is real. He looks as though he had been thinking about what I last said to him.. searching for the perfect answer, when I notice tears chasing eachother down his face. His voice pulls me back into reality when he speaks.. ... "I'll cry for you.. so you can laugh," saying it to me as though I were somebody important. I'd never been made to feel important. I cuddle closer to you now in the soft grass, and run my fingers slowly up and down your back. The sun looks as though it's almost ready to retire, and I close my eyes feeling as though it needs privacy to make it's transition from day into night. I'll be saying hello to the moon soon enough.. and I havn't yet thought of what I'd like to ask it tonight. I notice that his gaze hasn't wandered from me. It doesn't scare me, because I know he's in awe. "You're my movie..I'm watching you like a movie. And I wan't to cry because you're so beautiful." Suddenly, I'm not thinking about the past 10 minutes, or the next hour.. and I start to live each second for what it is. I don't question it. I don't think about it. I just know that I'm here, and I'm happy. But..I'm also scared to death. All movies must come to an end eventually.. But looking into your eyes, something comforts me.. knowing, we'll have a sequel. post comment

Wow....he's done it again. [24 May 2004|09:21am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | "Hold" - Saves the day ] The one situation I never dreamed possible.. is on it's way to a reality.. and I'm terribly unprepared. Just when you finally get back on your feet, there's something waiting to trip you again.. and you just have to ask yourself, do you want to fall? Indescribable. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Me: I want to be like the girl in that movie..I can't remember which, but that's not important now, is it..all I know is that she was free, or atleast she did a good job pretending to be. I always find myself crying during movies.. and not because they're sad, but because they're beautiful.. and I won't even notice until the screen gets too blurry and I have to blink to set the tears free.. but it's a wonderful feeling.. The kind of feeling you wish you could make someone else feel. .....I wish someone would watch me like a movie..... Him: I'll watch you like a movie.. I already read you like a book, so why not.. Her: You know, I don't know whether to laugh because you just said that or cry.. it's a tie.. so I guess they'll cancel eachother out..and I just feel..numb Him: I'll cry for you.. so you can laugh. ~ Him: This conversation will stay beautiful, as long as I don't say too much. <3 2 comments|post comment

[14 May 2004|09:22am] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | "You and I Both" - Jason Mraz ] Hmm, not all that much has been going on lately.. Senior pictures are being taken may 24th.. so my Mom is going to take me to the salon to get some more high-lights, blonde on top, for my roots and such. I can't wait till after pictures though because I'm going to add more blonde in the front, and then have black streaks underneath, so they'll just show through..I'm uber excited for that, I think it will look cool. Woot. Jesse's going on a retreat with his youth group this weekend..I'm gonna miss him.. but Tuesday is our one month anny, and we're going to out to port jeff for a fancy dinner and sunset by the docks.. it'll be nice <3 School's almost out.. ahh I can't wait :) I'll have the whole summer to go to the beach, sit by the water, and play guitar. I'm craving chicken quesadillas right now, but I'm on a diet. I've got to shape up so I can go bathing suit shopping. AND I really need a job.. I have to start looking. Hmm.. I think that's all for now. xoxo 8 comments|post comment

Starting over. [24 Apr 2004|06:38pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | "After an Afternoon" - Jason Mraz ] "No shroud No sheath No shadow to step into Hard light Naked bulb on a naked soul Laid bare for all to see Stripped of all protection I am this It is me." "It's not about 'making it.' It's about rocking your own world, no matter how big or how small. Don't ever let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I rock, therefore I am. Find your voice." Hehe, both of these are from guitar adds, but I really like them. The purpose of this journal is to get away from the reality of my life. I want all those who read it to be people I don't know, or have never met personally, so I can say whatever I want, uncensored. I want to make new friends, find people I can talk to. I'm a good person, I don't judge anyone for anything and I'm willing to be friends with anyone who will do the same for me. I am a singer. I am a musician. I am a poet. I'm a deep thinker. I play guitar, I love the beach, I'm very philosophical. I like to listen to anyone and everything. Music, words, the wind, sounds. If you want to be friends, let me know. Anything else you wanna know about me, I'd be more than happy to tell. ~Christine 13 comments|post comment

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